Set in stone, bronze, iron and gold,

The last legacy of man and God,

Bears witness to his dynasty’s demise.

Arms upheld denying chaos’ rise,

Crook laid down, with none to terrorise.

The epitome and essence of the human condition,

As slowly solitude aids orders expedition,

And humanity’s witness becomes history’s patrician.

Survival, endurance, and beastial roar,

Self styled God is made man once more.

But survival’s ward wears through self-contemplation,

External durance turns to internal altercation.

The garden of earthly delights is not dead,

While sap’s sickly sweet smell swims free through the head,

Flowing forth from the corpses now charged in his stead.

And in narcissistic utopia,

A unique cornucopia

Of insanities beset history’s end.

A life taken corrupts life’s rise and fall.

A punishment paid with no heed at all.

If you guys enjoyed this poem I wrote some time ago (which, incidentally, is about the last human), then be sure to check out the article I just wrote for Warhols Children, ‘The S.S. Pornocopia and Other Erotic Tales‘. It’s been a while since I’ve written an article for them, this one is about the ingrained role of pornography in modern culture. Enjoy! 🙂


Put You In My Oven

If you understood the cryptic title of this post, then I need say no more.

This week, I’ve been a little fixated on the Earl of Lemongrab, a character from the cartoon ‘Adventure Time‘. For those of you who haven’t watched Adventure Time, I highly recommend it. It’s one of those rare kids shows which manages to transcend age limitations, with jokes for young and old alike. Not to mention the totally math animation that goes into it.

For those of you unfamiliar with Adventure Time or Lemongrab, here’s a video of some of the Earl’s best lines. Watch it, and then we shall continue. 🙂

Aaaanyway… the Earl of Lemongrab is a recurring fan-favourite character and I, being a fan, was struck with the fancy to design a heraldic crest for the Kingdom of Lemongrab.

So I took a break from writing to punch this out. 🙂


It might look a bit cryptic, but it’s full of fan-oriented references to the Lemongrab mythology. And, better still, it’s also available from the eyE[before]Store as a t-shirt!

lemongrab-coat-of-arms-heraldic-crest-adventure-time-jake-finn-lemon-grab-tshirt-fittedSo, yeah, that’s what I did this week.

And that is why I am royal and you are serval. 🙂